Directly from crimsy's journal:

Hey

It's been a while since my last blog entry. Right now I am posting because I can't do anything else. I really really feel sad. I went to sleep late today. At seven (7:00 AM) and woke up at eight (8:00 AM) because I can't sleep. I can't sleep!

Come on, I've been on the edge of tears lately. I just had to take a break writing this to go outside and calm down... some tears came. come on! I want to cuss, I don't know, yell, anything! Anything! just get this away from me.... or at least help me solve it.

All comes down to love. I can't give up on it, I simply can't ... even though I don't want to get into a relationship, there is an exception. Pretty stupid too... I am on the losing side. Yet, I can't give up. It hurts me, but what can I do? I can't control my feelings. That's what gets me.

Why is it that it is always like this? It is .... There are good times in my life, I can't say that they are all bad. But most of my memories and not pretty, nothing there. Not anyone that I have loved, has loved me back the way I do. And you know what? that sucks... I have the urge just to start writing bad words, but that won't help. I wish I could talk about it, but I can't. I can't. I don't want to huurt anybody nor worry them. And you know whom these persons are. They are too special. I can't.

It's true.... my most obvious weakness.

"You are everything I want"

I feel happy, but then knowing that it will not last.... knowing what awaits me.... trying to be happy with the present. Thinking about the future. I work today at two (2:00 PM). I think that I won't feel good at work today Come on, an hour of sleep? and this empty feeling ? No way. Let's see how it goes, there's nothing I can do. After work, I want to go somewhere to scream at the top of my lungs, but I know that there is no place to do it.

At home, no way. Park? too public ... anywhere..... Just put me somewhere where I can do it... and I will. Cry my heart out, scream, anything! omg

wow.... I don't know what to do... somebody help me....

a silent scream

-Ish